More Reader Comment Fun; Gene's Newest Crazy Audioblog

Gene got some more interesting reader comments. Let's all have a few laughs, and I'll save you the trouble of digging through Gene's comments section to find the good ones.

People are still having fun with the fake "Fox and Friends" interview request. He has gotten interview requests from both Steven Spielberg and (apparently very famous in his galaxy) Morvo the Devourer.

First, Spielberg:

Mr. Chapman, Steve Spielberg here. Executive Producer of well, everything.

I have been following your rise and how the TV people are just fawning over you. Take my advice, forget them. A big story and big amount of self-absoprtion like yours requires the big screen.

I am seeing a biopic- sorta Ghandi meets One Flew Over The Cookoo's Nest. The story of one man's courageous fight to hold fake death fasts and real psychotic attempts at suicide by torch. At the end it focuses on the challenges of a man who claims to be running for President but spends almost his entire time griping about site meters. (By the way, neither Bush nor Kerry nor anyone who ran for President in 2004 had site meters on their websites. Did that make them fake candidates? Talk to the script doctor, maybe we can work that in.) It concludes with him losing, claiming a variety of conspiracies keeping him out of debates and what not.

The take away message: Every fart that fights the ventilation system thinks its Don Quixote (or in your case, Ghandi). It isn't (and you aren't).

Tentative title: The Insane and the Flammable.

Early casting idea for you: I can get the E.T. suit out of mothballs and slap on a toga. I think it will work perfectly.

Have your people or, and let’s be honest PERSON (hi Doug), call my people.

Best,
Steve
DreamWorks | Homepage | 01.13.07 - 9:21 am |

Now, let's hear from Morvo the Devourer:

I am the Morvo the Devourer. I am infuriated that your mammal words translate poorly for my purposes except for the squealings of the wild boar. I host the morning show known as Breakfast of Worlds known far as the superior news and talk show on this arm of my galaxy. I want to add you to the menu of my show. No need for self roasting for petroleum caused flatulence. Puny humans must be impressed by this invitation for your campaign. We can chew the fats as is said in States. You will contact me with mind gravitation waves if you accept this offer of publicities on many worlds.
Morvo the Devourer | Homepage | 01.13.07 - 1:32 pm |

The Morvo comment is killer. It sounds like a character from "Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy", LOL

Today Gene posted the words to his song "Missed the Gist of Jesus's Promised Land" and says he's going to market it (he admits in his audioblog that he stole the tune from Merle Haggard, but that's okay, because God told him it was okay to steal the tune). Who allegedly responded with a recording offer? None other than P Diddy (formerly Puff Daddy, formerly Sean Combs):

You Chap-man. Whad up, yo?

Dude, read your dope lines here and just knew you were Bad Boy Records material. Rhyming hand with with land? Genius. Word.

We could hook you up with a duet with Faith Evans on, now heard me out dog, a new song entitled "Can't Be No Playa If You Ain't Got No SiteMeter".

We can work it out in the demos, but straight up, if you sign a contract with us youse gots to read the attachment on setting fire to yourself in the studios. Equipment costs, man.

Save if for the tour. Light yourself on stage every night, or well I guess the first night. Doing in the toga would be DOPE.

Peace out, I'll text up my digits.

P. Diddy
P. Diddy | Homepage | 01.13.07 - 1:10 pm |

Then, Gene announced that he is the "Founder and Chancellor" of "American Libertarian University" (which only exists in his mind and on a free blogger account). Guess who allegedly wants to be a professor?

Mr. Chapman:

Yours is such a wonderful notion that I, founder of the original Academy for teaching, have come back from the beyond to teach in it.

If you are not too busy with fake Fox and Friends interviews, please let me know where I apply to start as a professor in this wonderful place.

By the way, I have my own toga and am a BIG fan of yours. But, do I have to ask a question.

Do I have to light myself on fire for tenure? I mean, can't I just drink some hemlock? This is sorta a deal breaker.

P.
Plato | Homepage | 01.13.07 - 8:44 pm |

Yet, people say on some political blogs, when they find this one, that I have too much time on my hands. Even I don't have the time to come up with stuff like that, LOL. :-)


Now, for the audioblog update:

Gene made another of his insanely boring audioblogs today. Honestly, I wouldn't have listened to it, except that someone in my reader comments suggested I do so since Doug had a meltdown. So, I spent an hour listening to the two of them spewing both hatred and generalized stupidity.

Gene started talking about how Christine Smith's campaign is about sex toys. That's stupid. She mentioned in one blog how the government needs to stay out of people's sex lives, and mentioned sex toys in that context. That's it, but Gene is obsessed with it (probably because he couldn't get laid in a Phillipine whorehouse). Gene said Christine Smith's bedroom "must be an amazing place", and even said something about her "sticking something up her boyfriend's rear end".

:-O

Then, it was Doug's turn to be weird. Boy, did he ever have a meltdown. At one point he was ranting so much that he actually seemed to be out of breath for about five minutes.

Doug went on some bizarro rant - and kept coming back to it - about Jake Porter saying it is the law to file a 1040 form with the IRS. Well, hate to tell you guys, but it is the law whether you like it or not. At one point, Doug was on such a bizarre rant that Gene asked Doug if he was bipolar. Doug asked Gene if he tried to set himself on fire in front of an IRS building and, when Gene said he did, Doug told him he had no room to talk about other people being bipolar. I had to laugh about that one, since I don't disagree that they're both nuttier than squirrel crap.

It appears that the reader comments are really getting under Doug's skin, much more than they are affecting Gene. In fact, they don't seem to bother Gene at all - it appears Gene has a sense of humor about it - but Doug's going off the proverbial deep end about "sock puppets" in the reader comments. He says he's not going to participate on Gene's blog anymore, but that's a threat he makes on a regular basis so I'm not sure we should take it seriously. What Doug doesn't seem to understand is that most of the problems in the reader comments of Gene's blog were caused by Doug being a smartass. Plus, Doug's upset that Gene told him not to cuss so much on the blog. I guess Doug can't win a debate, so he resorts to profanity and ad hominem attacks, which are of course the last bastion of a failed argument (and a small mind).

He also said that, once he gets his current income tax problems resolved, he's going to become a tax denier again. Hmmmm ..... it's ruined his life, he bitches constantly about how his life has been ruined, and he's going to do the same thing again? That's the definition of stupidity.

Gene thinks Doug should make a theological argument for not paying taxes. Gene claims his theological argument is why he hasn't been prosecuted. Gene and Doug got into a bit of an argument - almost a yelling match - and Doug pointed out that if Gene made that argument in court, he'd go to prison. Doug was all upset about it, but at least he understands that Gene's theological argument will not work in actual practice.

However, for some odd reason, Doug blames Gene's eventually going to prison for tax evasion on Jake Porter, the same 18-year-old Phillies volunteer Doug (for no apparent reason) threatened to kill earlier this week in a rant so bizarre I'm still scratching my head. Honestly, I'm beginning to get a little concerned about Doug's very angry obsession with young Jake, especially considering that Jake has been nothing but polite to Doug, and hasn't even done or said any of what Doug is attributing to him. It's almost like Doug is focusing all his anger on this one young man, yet no one understands why he's doing so.

Anyway .... Doug, if you evade taxes again, they'll send you to prison. They're just not going to play this game with you twice, nor should they. If the feds don't come after you, the state will. So you'd better think it through.

Last but not least, Gene wants to start banning people. Doug doesn't. He told Gene to ban people if he wants. Doug also said that Gene is afraid to do anything without him. He wants Gene to call other candidates out of the blue, and record the conversation and put it on the internet. Um, guys, I'm not sure that's completely legal.

When the audioblog cut off due to time restrictions, Doug was still ranting on and on about poor young Jake Porter. Who knows what he said after that point. Considering that he threatened to kill the kid just a few days ago, I'm afraid to ask.

I will say this, though. Doug is damn good and lucky it's not my 19-year-old son he's threatening. Take that any way you want.